By Dan Weddle

When you hear the word "step-mother," pop culture and fairy tales have conditioned us to expect the worst. We think of the "evil stepmother," the interloper, or someone trying to erase the past. It is often a role defined by friction.

But my experience was the complete opposite.

If you look at the statistics of my childhood, I shouldn't be where I am today. My parents divorced in the early 1970s when I was four years old. In a move that was practically unheard of at the time, my father got full custody of me, while my mother got custody of my infant sister.

My dad was a single father who worked full-time, but he was also battling something I was too young to understand at the time: alcoholism. He was high-functioning for a while, but our life was unstable. I bounced around between family members. I didn't have the "Leave It to Beaver" childhood where everyone ate dinner at the table at 5:00 PM.

My life truly began when I was eight years old. That was the year my dad married Judy.

The "Instant Mom"

When Judy married my dad in 1976, she was in her late twenties and had no children of her own. Overnight, she became an "instant mom" to an eight-year-old boy living in a chaotic situation.

There were no guidebooks for her. There were no podcasts on "blended families." She walked into a situation that would have sent most people running. My dad was drinking heavily, and I was a kid who had been forced to grow up too fast.

She could have been overwhelmed. She could have been resentful. Instead, she became the anchor of my life.

Judy brought stability to our family unit for the first time. She was the heart of our home. But the most powerful thing she did wasn't just cooking meals or making sure I did my homework—it was how she handled her role.

She sat me down early on and made a promise that shaped the rest of my life. She told me, "I will take great care of you, and I will be your second mom. But I will never try to replace your mom."

And she was true to her word. She always spoke respectfully of my biological mother. She encouraged me to see her and have a relationship with her. She never made me choose sides. In doing so, she took the wind out of the sails of resentment. She didn't try to compete; she just added love.

Creating a Productive Citizen

I often say that Judy is the reason I became a productive citizen.

Without her guidance, I don't know if I would have graduated from college. She is the reason I got involved in church and developed the faith that anchors me today. She was the steady force that counterbalanced the unpredictability of my father’s addiction.

We call her "Saint" because she is practically perfect. She stuck by us through the hard drinking years, through the moves, and through the drama. Even after she and my dad eventually divorced years later, she remained my mom.

Today, my wife Mikki and I live on five acres of property, and right behind our main house is the "Grandma Cottage." That’s where Judy lives. She is 73 now, and we love having her close. She went from being the brave young woman taking on a broken family to being the great-grandmother to my grandkids.

The Blueprint for Step-Parenting

God has a funny way of preparing you for things you don't see coming.

When I met my wife, Mikki, in 1992, she had an 18-month-old son named Braeden. Suddenly, just like Judy, I was becoming an "instant dad."

If I hadn't had Judy’s example, I might have messed it up. I might have tried to force my way in or push Braeden's biological father out.

Mikki had been through a tough divorce, and understandably, she carried a lot of hurt toward her ex-husband, Larry. She didn't want to deal with him.

But I remembered Judy. I remembered how much it meant to me that she never bad-mouthed my mom. I knew that for Braeden to be healthy, he needed permission to love his dad.

So, I took a page out of Judy’s playbook. I sat Larry down and said, "Listen, I'm not going to try to replace you. I want to be a second dad to Braeden. I want to love him and take care of him, but I want him to have a relationship with you. I will foster that in every way I can."

It worked. Larry rose to the occasion. We became friends. For the first five or six years, I handled all the communication with him because Mikki wasn't ready yet. Today, Braeden has two dads who love him, and Larry is "Uncle Larry" to my other three boys. He comes to our family events. We chose joy over resentment.

Here’s to the Step-Parents

It takes a special kind of person to love a child that isn't biologically theirs.

It requires a lack of ego. It requires playing the long game. It requires loving a child who might be confused, angry, or grieving.

Judy taught me that family isn't just about blood. It's about who shows up. It's about who stays steady when the world is shaking. It’s about who chooses to love you, even when they don't have to.

I wouldn't be the man, the CEO, or the father I am today without Judy Weddle.

If you are a step-parent reading this, feeling like an outsider or wondering if your efforts matter—keep going. You are planting seeds you may not see bloom for decades. You have the power to change the trajectory of a life, just like Judy changed mine.

Dan Weddle is the author of Earned Wisdom, a memoir about family, resilience, and leadership. He is the CEO of ProTech Services Group.

Read more about Dan’s upbringing and his rules for a happy blended family in his book: Earned Wisdom on Amazon