Once you get beyond the general character traits, there are some fundamental questions you need answers to before you decide if this is the right person for you.

Dear Jennifer,
It has been 10 long years since my divorce and now at the ripe old age of 55, I find myself back out here dating. I have gone on a few dates but now with COVID, it has become harder to date however I have found that the communication has really opened up and the men are wanting to get to know me better. The question I keep getting is what and I am looking for and honestly, I don’t know. Of course, I want to be attracted to him and for us to be compatible but I don’t know if at 55 those things should be important. I meet a lot of guys that have different values but I still have a good time when I am with them. Should that matter as long as we enjoy each other's company? I have kinda found their differences to be a turn on. I really would love some advice on what I should be looking for at my age. I don’t want to screw this up again.

Thanks,
Susan B

Dear Susan,
First off, congratulations to you for having the guts to get back out there. Physical attraction and compatibility are great but they don’t tell you if this man has true relationship potential. There are tons of people out there that you can make a love story with but they are not the people you build a life with. You can fall in love with anyone but do you share the same vision of life. When it comes to deciding who is right for you at this stage of your life you need to take a good look to see if you have the same values, the same outlook, the same mission in life. Real things that are not just in the domain of feelings. Yes, he might make you feel good but what are his beliefs: views about money, views about emotional expressiveness, connection, and power. Many times people believe those differences are intriguing and it’s what brought you together but be
careful because what attracts you originally often becomes the source of conflict later. I believe at your age or any age the things you should be looking for aside from values is communication, consistency, transparency, thoughtfulness, and attention (interested in you and your life), there’s no formula for this, it’s just a feeling that tells you that this person gets you. For now, it’s important to just take it slow and have fun. Make sure
you check these next time you want to know if you should invest in someone you’re dating more seriously.

Love Big,
XOXO
Jennifer J. Hayes